Translation of Yitzhak Lamdan's Diaries

Diary 2 continued (January - March 1916)

Copyright © 2026 Howard I. Schwartz, PhD

Yitzhak Lamdan's second notebook (Diary 2) continues into 1916 and its translation follows below. You can return to his earlier entries from 1914-1915, the overview, the concise summaries or the interpretive summaries of the diary entries.

Diary 1 (June 1914 - September 1914) | Diary 2 (July - December 1915) | (January - March 1916) below

January - March 1916

January 1916
January 3, 1916, (Hubyn Pershyi) | January 4, 1916, (Hubyn Pershyi) | January 5, 1916, (Hubyn Pershyi) | January 7, 1916, (Hubyn Pershyi) | January 12, 1916, (Hubyn Pershyi)

January 1916

[January 3, 1916], Monday night, 28th of [the month of] Tevet, 5676, in the terrible period, in the village of Hubyn [Pershyi]

It has been a week and more that I didn’t write anything in my diary, and there are in fact days like these that I had much to write about my state of mind. But for many reasons I didn’t write anything.

In fact since last week a change occurred in my state of mind related to my adolescent feelings. In my earlier entries, I wrote about my youthful feelings that were bursting forth, despite life’s difficulties and their [the youth feeling’s] secondary importance, – they tried to breakout and demand their due, – and in several places, I mentioned some victories of theirs… but now different, different is my state of mind, especially the recent several days. A different spirit has entered. I truly don’t know if this is an artefact of current challenging circumstances or not: – all the feelings of adolescence in my heart were annihilated, extinguished, swept away; finished are all the delights of my youth. I began to relate with disdain and plain inner disgust at all forms of youth and passion… I felt a special inner valor standing above such inconsequential matters. Simply put I became someone else. The combined diary entries dealing with my relationship to Z. B., will remain for me like a mark of disgrace and a souvenir of transgression (note the rhyme), since I wrote them in excessive haste and gave them a place for them in the diary and in my heart, if truly but for a few days. But never will I forgive myself for this rashness. Now I don’t feel anything towards such matters. Related to this, I am truly able to recite the words of my poem, “In a Foreign Country.”^[116a]

[106] My spirit and my thoughts – are pulled now in a different direction: to my parents and all the beloved members of our family. I have strong intense longings for them. And my words and thoughts are only for them every day. My hair bristles, intense despair and terrible worry attacks me when remembering “everything” of ours. There is no home, no possessions, no nothing – but nonetheless I would soon renounce all this, happily, if only this was a sacrifice and all of us remained alive, whole and healthy and could be together. Aha. When will that day arrive? Someone comes with a rumor on his tongue: that there is hope for peace. And the heart is encouraged a little, dreams and hope grow in you and sneak in, and they rise up against you, and silently try to console you and stir you up... and the heart tries to be encouraged and to hope...

Woe, our Father in heaven! Have mercy already on your world and your creatures!...

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Notes

[116a] [Translator’s Comment:] See the first mention of the poem, Nov. 2, 1915 and note 89 there. [HS] ↩

[January 4, 1916] Tuesday night, eve of the new month of Shevat, 5676, in the terrible period, Hubyn [Pershyi]

I didn’t intend to write now. I stayed for a long time [considering] whether or not to write the things that follow further on. Because it is difficult to even think these things, and all the more so, express them in writing. But the recognition that all needs to be recorded in the diary as a faithful mirror of my life – won out, and I sat down to record the words that follow.

At this moment I set aside the new poem that I just finished which was started yesterday at night. The poem was written under the influence of my recent state of mind. I must sit by myself and think about and delve clearly into the ambiguous mystery of life, and the results of my thinking are these: “Utter futility all is futile” [Ecclesiastes 1:2]. I see a life of work, hope, work and hopes, but what is the purpose of all this, if in the end death comes and ends it all? Why all this life, if death lies in wait and conquers it… and what advantage does a human being have over an animal?... Just like [an animal] a person will decompose in the ground, but an animal’s life is much better [than a person’s]. It doesn’t feel anything apart from its life, and until the last moment of its life doesn’t give death a passing thought and doesn’t know what it is. But a person labors, builds, creates, thinks and reflects – but his death is like an animal’s… But the heart which he has been given feels and senses this terrible death…Why the labor of intellectuals, and producers, the dreamers, the builders, their labor will pass away, they will decompose in the earth, the work of their hands will be changed and take other forms. Why all this? … On their graves other lives will dance, and after that, on the graves of these lives other lives will dance, and thus on and on...How terrible this tragedy! What is the secret of this life? Where is the boundary of eternity? Is it true that everything is so insignificant, and so hidden? The mystery of life is a hard nut, many try to crack it but don’t succeed, and why do I, this insignificant person, delve into this marvelous mystery? [107] Why do I let these dark thoughts enter my mind? Since only challenging melancholy [lit. “black bile”] attacks me through them. But the thoughts appear on their own and are woven together by threads in my mind and there are moments they don’t give me to rest...

My recent poem was written under the influence of these thoughts. In it, I am still immature. The days of childhood and youth are the happiest days in the life of the man. Then there was nothing bad, no despair, no doubt, and also no death, only goodness, innocence and faith and radiance without end… After those [days], the period of adolescence arrives containing disappointing dreams and hopes, futile love, repression of the flesh,^[116b] desecrating also the soul and the body. After the years of adolescence come the days pulling the difficult yoke of life, and the heavy war of existence, seeking food without rest and becoming captive only by the blinding money with no dream or invigorating vision for the desiccated heart and mind… and after those years, the years of old age and white hair, the time when the fire of life recedes and fades and terrible death stands ready to swallow decades [of life]. Thus, the brief days of a person are difficult and only in their beginning does the radiant sun shine^[116c] on the days of childhood and adolescence – but these days pass quickly like a falling start from the heavens to the horizon, like brilliant lightning, like billowing smoke. This is the content of my poem.. – –

I am so sad that such thoughts arise in my mind, and that I write poems like these. However, there is only one remedy for this, one lap in which to hide oneself from these dark thoughts, and that is – the religious feeling. “And they will look around below and behold distressing darkness and they will turn upwards” [Isaiah 5:30 plus 8:21].^[117] It seems to me that it is like the saying of Hillel Zeitlin^[118] and how nice and correct are these words. Come let me also try to hide my head in the lap of the religious sentiment and then I will be relieved. But much natural and internal education, and much internal connection and improvement – “teshuvah” [return/repentance] in religious language – I still need [to acquire] to attain that level. But please let me get there!...

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Notes

[116b] 116b [Translator’s comment:] The Hebrew words literally mean “annihilation of the flesh” and I take it to refer to the hormonal changes in a male and the sexual impulses he needs to control.” [HS] ↩

[116c] [Translator’s comment:] the Hebrew term מהיל (mhyl) appears to be a hiphil form of the biblical root הָלַל (hālal) meaning to shine. See BDB entry for הָלַל (hālal) though the term is not frequent. ↩

[117] Following Isaiah 5:30: “And they will look below and behold the distressing darkness (because of the besieging enemy) and light will be darkened by clouds (in the heavens).” [Translator’s comment:] Yitzhak doesn’t quote the last phrase of the verse “and light will be darkened by clouds” and appears to be giving an interpretation to this final phrase, which interpreters have difficulty translating. He understands the reference to light here as a “turning up towards heaven,” in other words, as religious piety. The words “turning towards heaven” appear in Isaiah 8:21, not here in 5:30 and Yitzhak appears to be invoking them from Hillel Zeitlin’s words which he quotes subsequently. This chapter of Isaiah famously compares Israel to a vineyard that God tended and that despite all God’s care produced wild grapes thus incurring God’s wrath and destruction. [HS] ↩

[118] Hillel Zeitlin (1871-1942), a writer and thinker. His writings have a mystical tinge and apocalyptic Hasidic spirt and a Russian mystical characteristic of the times. He wrote a series of articles between 1899-1902 in the newspaper HaShiloach under the name “The God and Evil According to the Conception of the Sages of Israel and the People.” These appear collectively in the volume of his writings from 1911. The saying that Lamdan cited appeared at the end of volume one in this edition. “There is no path and no escape or refuge for you, son of man, from all the vanity and trivialities, sorrow and tribulations that you see, except through a great idealistic love. If [quoting Isaiah 8:22]: “they will look to the earth, and see trouble and darkness, gloom of anguish; and they will be driven into darkness.” – behold there is another path for man – turn upwards [following Isaiah 5:30]. Hillel Zeitlin, Collected Writings. Vol. 1, Warsaw: Tushiya Publishing, 5671 [1910-1911], p. 147. [Translator’s comment: “and turn upwards” appears in the previous verse Isa. 8:21, not in Isa. 5:30. [HS] ↩

[January 5, 1916] Wednesday night, the start (Rosh Chodesh) of the month of Shevat, 5676, in the terrible period, Hubyn Pershyi

I’m stuck in a difficult state of mind. It is very difficult for me. I don’t have the strength to bear it. Dark and terrible thoughts churn through my mind without stopping. Such terrible thoughts that I don’t even want to put them down on paper. My sorrow is terrible, difficult is my grief. It is not about my situation that I worry and fret – my entire being is [focused on] the situation of my parents and all of our beloved family. Lord of the Universe! Give me strength to bear all the sorrow and embitterment! Put an end to the terrible destruction of the world! Resuscitate us all. Let us see each other at peace, “and we thank Your Great Name, Selah.”^[119]

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Notes

[119] Quoting the end of the blessing recited after meals (Birkat Hamazon) in the section “We thank thee for the miracles…” (al hanisim) recited during Hanukkah: “And you did miracles and wonders with them” (another version has: “you gave them trials and tribulations”) followed by “and we thank Your Great Name, Selah.” [Translator’s comment:] Given Yitzhak’s newfound religious sensibility, he probably was reciting the standard Birkat Hamazon after each meal. The words he quotes, however, come from the blessing added on Purim in all the liturgical versions I consulted, and only on Hannukah in the liturgical traditions of the Eastern Communities (Edot HaMizrach). In either case, the blessing is thanking God for the miracles of redemption during a time when Jews were historically being persecuted. [HS] ↩

[January 7, 1916] Friday (Erev Shabbat), 2nd of [the month of] Shevat, 5676, in the terrible period, in the village of Hubyn Pershyi

The mud outside is incredibly deep. Rain falls, a cold wind blows, and at night darkness closes in all around. I eat meals at the home of Yehezkel [Burshtak], and I sleep at [the home of] Shlomo [Burshtak]. Since it is impossible to walk at night especially with galoshes, I decided to go while it was still day to Shlomo’s home and of course to eat [the meal] with him. Since it is not pleasant for me to spend the night in the home of Yehezkel, and because those who stay overnight with him go to sleep early, the “non-Jewish woman” [i.e., shabbos goy]^[119a] comes and puts out the candelabra, but I don’t want to sleep, and as a result I lie [awake] for a long time on the bed – and meanwhile all the terrible thoughts that I so much want to avoid, arise in my mind. But it was also not nice for me to leave the home of Yehezkel during the Sabbath eve (erev Shabbat) without eating the Sabbath evening meal with him. But the reasons mentioned and other inner causes – won out, and when Shmuel Burshtak arrived there, I went together with him here to the home of Shlomo (where I am now recording my entry) and now that I am here it seems to me (or perhaps it is true) that everyone is looking angrily at me that I came early to interrupt and the situation caused me great inner pain. – – And I thought to myself, “Why did I leave there? Yes, there it was better for me… and why did I foolishly come here?”... There is no rest inside me. I can’t find my place. When I come here, I am sorry I left there. I go there, and it seems to me that it is better here. I am scattered and discombobulated. Yes. “Woe to the children who were exiled from their father’s table, etc.” [B. Berakhot 3a]...^[120]

Let me not forget that I am “In a Foreign County,” in a foreign country! And I still need to think positively about this foreign place – – – with a depressed heart and with a heavy spirit I cry secretly, and my heart is torn to pieces:

Where are you radiant idyllic scene?
Where are you nest of our native land? (moladetanu)
Is it forever that you (plural) already passed away?
And a second time you (plural) won’t soon visit us? (tifkedunu)^[121]

An awful despair attacks my heart. A vice of grief grips my soul with the full strength of its ability. Here then are the Sabbath evenings in a foreign country. Woe to us!

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Notes

[119a] [Translator’s comment]: The household relied on a gentile woman (“Shabbos goy”) to come to the home on Friday night to put out the candelabra since it is forbidden on the Sabbath for Jews to light or extinguish a flame. Since the candelabra was extinguished early, Yitzhak could not read and write and could not relight the candelabra due to Sabbath restrictions. This was not an issue on other nights of the week when Yitzhak could stay awake after others went to bed and put the light out himself (e.g., Nov. 20, 1915). [HS] ↩

[120] Quoting Talmud Bavli Berakhot 3a: “when Israel enters synagogues and study halls and answers in the kaddish prayer, ‘May His great name be blessed,’ the Holy One, Blessed be He, shakes His head and says: Happy is the King who is thus praised in his house. [When the Temple stood this praise was recited there, but now] how great is the pain of the Father who exiled His children, and woe to the children who were exiled from their father’s table.” [Translator’s comment]: Yitzhak has quoted these words earlier when he first arrived in Hubyn Pershyi (Oct. 13, 1915) to describe the pain of being exiled from his father’s table. In the context of the original midrash, God is the metaphorical father, and the exiled children are the children of Israel who are exiled after the destruction of the Temple. Yitzhak identifies his own exile from his hometown with the exile of the people of Israel. See the entry from Oct. 13, 1915, and note 66a, for additional context. [HS] ↩

[121] Throughout these pages of the diary, Lamdan cites lines from his poem, “In a Foreign Country,” and describes its contents. He engaged in writing this poem and the poem “Death of Joab” during all the time staying in Hubyn. [Translator’s comment]: See the first mention of the poem on Nov. 2, 1915, and note 89 citing other references in the diary. [HS] ↩

[January 12, 1916] Wednesday night, 8th of [the month of] Shevat, 5676, in the terrible period, in the village of Hubyn [Pershyi]

All week I wrote nothing. Why? I don’t know myself. Yes, I had moments like these that were suitable for writing about their contents every moment and hour. Here now in this [entry] I will refer to some of the contents of this week.

[109] I no longer remember which day it was, whether Sunday, Monday or Tuesday of this week, when I heard the bit of news from our town, Mlynov, the location where the nest of our native land (môladtēnû) is planted. And via the bit of news, we learned, though in truth the information was not entirely clear, that our home, the nest of our homeland, still exists and is standing on its foundation.

All this we heard from a military official who is staying in Mlynov,^[121a] though this bit of news didn’t do anything for me, because at the moment the essential issue is not our home, but rather its builders [i.e. family]… all our cogitations and thoughts are only about our beloved parents and family and their welfare; Even if the rumor is true that our home still exists – will it also be standing in the future if our town is entirely situated in the storm of war? – but even so what warmth permeated inside me in hearing about the town of my homeland; what an extraordinary nice feeling filled me during these moments, coziness of a birthplace melted all my limbs, but only at these moments, the state of mind lasted only momentarily. Is it possible to last longer? – – –

The day before yesterday I received another bit of news about my like-minded friend and kindred spirit., Yermeyahu Maisler.^[121b] And this was how it happened: Jews from Berestechko came here, and at night I sat and talked with one of them. I asked him if there were Jews from Mlynov in Berestechko, and he answered me that there were a few there, and also some in Boremel, and that staying with him was one young man from Mlynov, who last year would bring him sugar. Immediately I realized that this was Yermeyahu’s brother – Yankel. And indeed, based on the description I gave to the guy, he responded affirmatively – this was truly him. Then he told me that his brother also came with him. I asked him if the brother was younger or older and he replied older. Then immediately I grasped that this was Yeremeyahu.

How I longed to meet up with him! At this difficult and terrible time, a time that the heart is anguished and hurting so much, I want to converse for several hours with friends like him. But how is it possible now to travel to get together. If at least I could exchange letters with him.

Look how we have been scattered, dispersed in every direction. Yikes, Almighty God! How long will Your hand be extended against this wretched world and not have mercy on her?!

And today too there I met with one of my good acquaintances Berger,^[122] a student of the Yiddish yeshiva, who lives close to Berestechko, whom I got to know in Dubna in the company of Roitman.^[123] [He is] a young interesting Hebrew man whom I liked. And this is how I bumped into him today: while I was still at the home of Moshe Bortnik and teaching the young girl Nechama, and a wagon passed by the window and stopped at [the home of] Yaakov Bortnik. Zahava^[123a] looked out the window and said, “That’s a Jewish wagon.” I also looked out the window and it seemed to me that this [110] was Bruder^[124] from Berestecho, and I quickly entered the home of Yaakov B. [Bortnik] to see him. When I entered, I immediately realized from the voice that this wasn’t Bruder. When I looked at the man’s face, I immediately recognized my acquaintance Berger even though he was dressed in a nice set of clothes, a brimmed hat, and his appearance now was like a coachman simply because of his clothes. Nevertheless, I recognized him immediately, but he didn’t recognize me. He was traveling to Lutsk. He didn’t have time to chat with me and meanwhile his wagon had broken down, and he had to do some work to fix it, but he promised when he returned, he would stop by for several hours.

How nice these meetings were for me, how good I felt to my very bones among these friends.

A bit of news from our town; the info about Y. [Yermeyahu] Maisler;^[125] my meeting of Berger, all of it happened this current week. And perhaps good and peace will begin now? Perhaps they are the first signs?!–––

However, my state of mind is completely different now. A heavy and terrible situation, deep anguish without limit and grief tear my heart to pieces, afflicting me now incessantly. Bad rumors arrive about the situation of Jews of Bar. [Baranivka].^[126] Who knows what is happening there with our beloved family. Yikes, who knows about their wellbeing and their lives? Woe, God of Mercy! Give us and them strength to bear all of it safely! Put an end to this terrible destruction! Like a gloomy shadow I go about, devastated, tortured, depressed. Woe, my God, my God. It is hard to bear!

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[121a] [Translator’s comment:] It appears from this statement that Mlynov at the time was in the hands of the Austro-Hungarian troops since the military official Yitzhak spoke to was stationed in Mlynov and was passing by Hubyn Pershyi. [HS] ↩

[121b] [Translator’s comment:] On the background of Yermeyahu Maisler, see note 125 below. [HS] ↩

[122] Shimon Berger, mentioned in Diary 3, [see March 4, 1917], p. 199 [in Heb. edition] and in additional places in the diary. From the family of Naphtali Berger in Berestechko, who changed its name to Harari upon making aliyah to the Land of Israel. Aaron Harari, a relative, was an amateur photographer and took many of the photos of the town and people. ↩

[123] Ravitman [or Roitman], no details are known about him. ↩

[123a] [Translator’s comment:] Zahava Bortnik (“Z.B.”) was the young woman Yitzhak was attracted to. This is the first time he mentioned her again since dismissing his earlier feelings on Dec. 22, 1915. [HS] ↩

[124] Bruder, no details are known about him. ↩

[125] See further details about Maisler in the [Heb.] Introduction. One of Lamdan’s close friends from Mlynov at the time when they established a small Zionist “group” of four members. [Translator’s comment:] See the earlier reference to Maisler in Yitzhak’s entry on December 11, 1915 and additional details about him in note 109 there. [HS] ↩

[126] Based on what is said here and in the continuation, it appears that this is a writing error and that [the acronym in Hebrew] should read [“bbr.” rather than just “br.”] meaning “in Barnovka” (Baranivka), the place where Lamdan’s parents were then staying. ↩

Translated by Howard I. Schwartz
Updated: November 2025
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